So, secretly,

I should be working on my essay. Obviously, I am not.

So, secretly, or maybe not so secretly, most girls (Asian girls more prone to this? No idea) want to be effortlessly beautiful.
Or maybe me. And some other people I know. (Not, say, my friends, because who the hell would admit that? But they tell me they know other people who are like that- and I'm just surprised when they say that. My reply is usually something like: yeah, that's me, you aren't?) Anywho...

... Maybe it's not Asian, they just have to have been watching anime and seeing just "that" girl who is a hard ass or nerd who's a softy inside and somehow this magical variant of Edward Cullen sees through it and vows to protect her and love her.

I swear this needs to begin young, so the girl who is watching is like: it's okay, it doesn't matter how I end up looking like, because the magical guy will come for me. They know/think most guys as "shallow" and only care about appearances, but they don't care about that much, they're waiting for Mr. Right to show up. Mr. Right, who they might dislike at first, but eventually, at appoximately the same time, they will fall in love. Mr. Right will have a cinematic as well as unnaturally perceptive eye, and somehow slow time, on a random time he looks at her, say, once when she is tucking her hair behind her ears, or studying, or sleeping (this is slightly creepy, of course, it would need good reason-- say, he saved her, or...she's sleeping in class or something. Something better than a stalker who's looking at her while she's sleeping inside her freaking bedroom-- it still confuses me why Twihards aren't creeped out by this...but...hey, they're okay with human/inhuman (albeit humanoid) relationship and pedophelia, and love at first sight, so what is a little dangerous creeping?)

The girl will also be able to eat all she wants, but stay ridiculously thin and fit (like, Sailor Moon?)

How was I ever this girl?

I'm not saying this doesn't happen to a lucky few, but someone, anyone, could have told me it wasn't going to happen by the time I was...what.. 14? 15?... 16? I'm not sure if age is what I mean is the "wake-up call"... but more like...the unreality of it could have maybe smacked me?

Or maybe it did. Maybe it does, to that dreaming girl.

And what happens after it creeps into her subconscious, or the darker layer of consciousness, is that she starts becoming... 'desperate'.
Because by this time she had abandoned years of caring for her physical self, and knowing she doesn't compare to some others, she begins to... well, act in desperate ways. I don't know exactly how this might be. But I think I might these might be manifestations of it:
1) A sudden obsession with her physical appearance. Fashion, make-up, dieting become suddenly important. Really. Important. Anorexic important.
2) A sudden ...flirtiness? with all guys, any guy, or guys they set their eyes on. Some might deny it, but...

I think it results in serious unhealthiness. And health is attractive.

Actually, a few times I have already realized this. And have consciously worked to get away from it.
Proudly, I can say, I am actually getting away from this unhealthy, frankly what I'd call ridiculous, mindset.
Although, I do see signs of myself wanting to do this sometimes. Thankfully, I see it and I stop it... or prevent it, but what happens is that I become really quiet. Ah well. Slowly changing.

Quite proud.

....See how I spend a ludicrous amount of time typing about silly thoughts like these and congratulating myself while my books are in front of me, reminding me I have a freaking essay to right.

Christ.