BOREDOM!

AHHH!!

I feel so .... empty.

I think I'm too bored?

Too reliant on luxuries. No goals.

This history essay, I'm going to do it well, and submit it somewhere. Maybe ask the library or find something out.

Or something, seriously, what the hell am I doing? Just lazing around!! My subjects aren't hard, so I should be working hard for the future.. Some goal or accomplishments.

Don't I have any accomplishments? Is there anywhere in the university which might have these....?

....Clubs...? Future opportunity/help at Western?

I have to ask Caitlin. Or something. Or Hershey maybe?

Seriously, what do I have sophs and RAs for?!

Come on Karen! Find out something about the future! Some accomplishment!

I think the title "I should study" just reminds me of all the time that meant I wouldn't study.

I just finished watching "My Sassy Girl" in Korean class today. I think...I couldn't be suspended. I can't be suspended into another world when I'm with someone else? I care too much?

But it was a good movie, one that is okay if you don't flood yourself in them? But that's the same for any genre.

Now I really want to write a fan fiction xD. I should...learn how to write in a way to capture people.

On the other hand, one of my one-shots was asked for permission to be translated. I don't care if it isn't loved...but being asked itself is flattering. I'm really happy about that.

SNSD's 2nd album is out! The ballads are really loveable. I know people are mostly in love with "byul byul byul" (star star star), and I like it a lot too, but I think "You'll always dream" or whatever it is roughly translated to (track 4) is good too.

The rest of the songs are okay? I always liked "day by day", though making it sung by all the members isn't such a HUGE plus for me.

The JeTi duet, "Caramel Coffee" is good too. I'm just glad I can hear "Yummy sugar" xD or is it candy...? Yummy candy? xD

Mm...

Let's be happy...and...study!

There is a seed of unhappiness in me lately? I think I'm going through PMS. Which means... period soon...

T__T I dislike that week... so messy...and annoying...

But I'll be grateful for it, haha, heard from too many aunts and from mum how it's a blessing for woman. =.= gyuh.

Mm...I should...join the Korean Speech concert, eh? AND I NEED TO MAKE THE PPT for the family presentation!

Ahh...what else...?

- HISTORY SUBJECT CHOOSE

- Comp lit thing is up in OWL too!

I should write here more often. Ms Ratchford said to keep on writing, even if it's something simple like a journal..

Mm~ hehe, and also, it's a good way to get rid of my darkness, or dispel at least a little bit of it, right?

Astronomy exam tomorrow...time to study~~

Bye journal~

(...Should I come up with a more creative name....?)

I hope mom is safe in Hong Kong, her fever is better and she will enjoy herself immensely. I also hope my grandpa and grandma will be healthier...winter is a killing season >_<... I hope daddy is thinking optimistically. (...Who do I hope towards?).... God, please take care of them, I will be extra strong for you. I'll try to be kinder too.

Keep them safe and happy, please.

....What's that? I should do something about that myself?

..Alright~

Place your hand over your heart

For no reason at all today, I don't know for what reason, I was reminiscing about some 1 Litre of Tears ...goods?

Mm...It really has got a good message... I make a note to my future self, whenever I...am being ungrateful and depressed, maybe I should watch it...and just remember.

And if I can't watch it at that moment. I have to just put my hand over my heart and feel it beat steadily. Bump. Bump.

For nothing at all, but for the air I'm breathing in and out.

To look at the sky, whether it's blue or grey. To look at the snow or grass.

It's good to live, isn't it?

Isn't it?

Gratefully, meekly, let's start the day again, from that moment on.

Darkness

Listening to: DBSK - Break Out (Radio Version)

How long will you stay here

huddled under this lamplight?

Cold, cold,

too cold to even cry,

they freeze before they reach your eyes

your fetal posture won't warm you anymore

you've been born for a while now.

The new moon covers her eye,

stop the camera you've been rolling

in your head, the tragedy is over.

To be honest, it never was.

Underneath the false cover,

you were killing time.

Take my hand, as you would

once, a long time ago.

Why do you look scared?

Fling those fears away,

they weren't yours in the first place.

The darkness is nothing to be frightened of,

follow me, away from the light

where all your "blemishes" are magnified

and your "perfection" too much so.

Those aren't you.

In the darkness, in the quiet,

find the one you repressed from the surface.

Believe me, there's more

to turn our gaze towards.

Those side-long glances,

stare straight back at them.

Each and every one of them

until each and every one casts their gazes

down.

Close your eyes, listen,

your time is slipping away

from your fingers

in the form of cheap nickel.

Baby, if you don't let those go

and take my hand

you're going to fade away

before you live.

Isn't that frightening?

Isn't that frightening?

Pots and pans

Why pots and pans? Because I want to say something meaningless to express my frustration besides from "God!" or "Jesus/+Christ!"

Pots! I really feel like an old woman next to my friends sometimes. In a goodish way? Since it makes me smile a little (not sadly, exactly, though I suppose the melancholic sad little smile is exactly an old woman thing- pans! I am genuinely amused, a little.)

Another, finally settling down on a good ff. :) Happy~ I want to write again...but I'll need to read a lot again.

Also getting into DBSK a little bit. Can I even say again..? Hah...

Mm..

Right, I'm not sad anymore. But there are things, that promise of the experiment-- Man, remind me not to make stupid promises for the future in the heat of a moment/emotion. Because it probably will not end up well. I wouldn't mind if I done it right then at that moment, when I was down because that would be understandable? But chr-pots! Now I know...it's....bad.? Something that would take away from...good. What I am trying to attain for?

Fuck, what am I trying to attain for anyway? I really don't know.

But...I guess that's okay, because I want to find out.

So...shall I do it just to find out?

Plus, can that remnant of my brain trying to pull a depression please stop trying to spit on other people's stories? Ahieee...so embarrassing.

I've already .."been there, done that" before.

Really. Embarrassing. OMnomnomnom *eats it*

:) I love my friends. Really. Cute. What is wrong with them

+Too much cuteness is like stuffing marshmallows into your mouth-- what is that game called again? (Gewy chewy?) SMALL DOSES damn it!

Maybe I'm glad I'm living alone next year. =w=;;

Tired of thinking

So tired of this thinking. Seriously tiring.

Exercise later after reading.

Got a new book. Book 1 of Song of Ice and Fire today.

At last I'm reading this recommended book...hm...

Yes, I look forward to it.

I'm trying to smile and throw out. Instead I'm so tired I want to throw up.

Stop thinking.

Apparently I got the password of my other account. Now to see if I can just delete that.

Brief nothing?

Want to post because I haven't for a while. Aiya...Now it's Christmas, what shall I do?

Study...

Put back the PS2 in the room? Spent hours on it...Now it's already 4:14PM

I do not want to give up Dae Jang Geum watching though...

Weird dream and procrastination

Why am I still procrastinating?

Okay, after this episode, for sure, start reviewing comp lit.

Need to sleep at 10? Stop computer at 7. Come on...

On the other hand, a weird dream. A nightmare where I...didn't kill someone, but sliced their forehead off and hurt him considerably. It was Taeyang-- guess because I was listening to Wedding Dress before I slept. But he didn't... I don't know. There was no just cause for it? I had a cause up until I did it, but until I was giving judgement on why, I couldn't say it.

But he didn't press charges? And was still popular.

Even stranger, I started to become infatuated with him. Not yet but started.

Anyhow. I woke up, it was a nightmare, I had mutilated someone with an unspeakable, and perhaps nonexistent reason.

OKAY. Enough feeling guilty. Feel the valiance of Eliwood and Hector you so are addicted to at the moment and keep your word.

notes: RA form.

Stupidity, this is to you.

To my stupidity which resides in my mind, acknowledged as impossible to rid of, this is a note to you.

At the moment you are acknowledged, untouched, so I am definitely not in your shameful grasp.

This note is to celebrate my mind which knows you as stupid and a silly portion right now, and not as a shameful but irresistible perversion.

:) This has been Clarity.

The Types of Conversations

Conversations can be meant deeply.

In other cases, what some people look for is not thought, but emotions expressed. The stronger the emotions, the more enjoyed. But thought it not looked for. They look for glimpses of the emotional. Seek only the emotional, and perhaps limited thought processes.

Honestly, at the moment I want to say: that really disgusts me. Why limit the human potential to something so animalistic? Where is the expanse of the mind revealed through conversation like that? Can they not reach that point?

And if they could but choose not to, why not?

Is this because they don't think or they don't want to think? Or only because they don't want to think at that moment?