Anger is blocking my ability to study

I feel so angry with my midterm that it's blocking my ability to study. I keep on thinking how picky my professor was with words.

I got a 70 on my midterm, which I felt was definitely a higher quality than a 70. Am I overestimating myself? Or is this some fucking conspiracy where the professor is like this and I am just forced to ask her for a higher mark if I need? I know it sounds like I am overthinking... but...

I really have a difficult time believing my paper was worth a 70. Like, objectively speaking. The level of pickiness of it when the idea is clearly indicated...

*breathe... breathe...* I know that this exam I really just HAVE to say... everything. Watch my significance paragraphs.

As for the two essays. Oh man. Wow, I don't know. I really thought that deserved higher too.

But let me think... Shorter answers. Specific examples. Clearer sentences.

FUCKKKKK

Essays and missing tutorials and outstanding fees.
WHAT THE FUCK MAN.

LIFE WTF.

Science Students (sometimes) piss me off.

...despite being friends with quite a few of them.

Let's ignore totally ignorant asses like Derek. But even then, the ones that are okay most of the time are not when you reach the science superiority complex thing.
It's like innate? They think they got more secure prospects ("WHAT the hell are you going to do in history?") and that science makes sense, it contributes to the world, etc. etc.

This is so fucking tiring.
WHAT world are you contributing to?
WHAT lens do you look through at the world? And asses like Derek don't count. You know the one, they watched or read too much damn fiction/anime about emotionless, logical characters and want to emulate them because they think that's attractive (mentally and/or otherwise). And then they worship scientists who "revolutionized" the world by putting the world into pure logic.
To these boys and gells: Just saying, the "Scientific Revolution" came partly from Alchemy, okay. And Newton was a mystic of sorts.
No, that's right, I'm serious.
But I mean seriously, I don't even need to tell anyone what a whack Einstein was, right?

But yeah, these people? My pet peeve.

"I wonder if Naruto is coming out next week? " ? And then some explanation to defend about economy will help Japan.

I might be overthinking, as per usual, but there are two things.
1) The explanation is bull.
2) The assholeness is intentional. So they can smear shit with logic's name and then give the bullcrap explanation.

But let's give him the benefit of the doubt that the assholeness was sincere, as in, Derek was sincere in thinking purely how lost life cannot be regained (no shit, sherlock) and economics will help rebuild Japan.
Where the fuck is the emotion? A person cannot maintain to live by without emotion and compassion. I don't believe they can, unless you're sociopathic. And even then, (dare I trespass with my opinions unsupported and un-reasearched into this field) I don't know how sociopath's brain function, although I'm sure some psychology student will enlighten me... but how certain is it, exactly?
Okay, complete digression. Anyway, yeah, so stop pretending. Poser of nothing good here, run along and emulate someone else.

Smaller peeving moments:

"Non science students are not human." or something.
My reaction: Is that a joke? What? That doesn't even make sense. Scientifically speaking.

Picture of a naked mole rat baring its teeth:
Him: "What you think this looks like?"
Me: "Looks like a cornered mole rat."
Him: "Ah, what do you know, you're an English major."
1) I'm a HISTORY major.
2) ...W...t...f? This is a logic fail? I'm not a science student so I can't tell the rat's expression? Great, so if I see an angry dog, clearly I'd approach it. And pat it. On the nose. And brush its teeth because it's baring them at me, right?!
I'm sure according to Darwin then, we'll all die soon because we can't tell angry animal faces.
But stereotypically, aren't history students more sensitive to these sort of things anyway?


I'm not saying all science students are like this, of course. But I'd say 9 out of every 10 at least? ...Does this get better with age or is it just because I'm in university and I'm still young or some shit like that?

Seriously kids, stop looking at the world through a loophole.

Honestly.

Ambition

Too ambitious for exercising my brain in a university? Right.

Of course I don't understand the world I live in. The moment I do I'm screwed. More screwed than I am now, which is quite unimaginable and definitely unwanted.

Tired of thinking

So tired of this thinking. Seriously tiring.

Exercise later after reading.

Got a new book. Book 1 of Song of Ice and Fire today.

At last I'm reading this recommended book...hm...

Yes, I look forward to it.

I'm trying to smile and throw out. Instead I'm so tired I want to throw up.

Stop thinking.

Apparently I got the password of my other account. Now to see if I can just delete that.

Weird dream and procrastination

Why am I still procrastinating?

Okay, after this episode, for sure, start reviewing comp lit.

Need to sleep at 10? Stop computer at 7. Come on...

On the other hand, a weird dream. A nightmare where I...didn't kill someone, but sliced their forehead off and hurt him considerably. It was Taeyang-- guess because I was listening to Wedding Dress before I slept. But he didn't... I don't know. There was no just cause for it? I had a cause up until I did it, but until I was giving judgement on why, I couldn't say it.

But he didn't press charges? And was still popular.

Even stranger, I started to become infatuated with him. Not yet but started.

Anyhow. I woke up, it was a nightmare, I had mutilated someone with an unspeakable, and perhaps nonexistent reason.

OKAY. Enough feeling guilty. Feel the valiance of Eliwood and Hector you so are addicted to at the moment and keep your word.

notes: RA form.

The Types of Conversations

Conversations can be meant deeply.

In other cases, what some people look for is not thought, but emotions expressed. The stronger the emotions, the more enjoyed. But thought it not looked for. They look for glimpses of the emotional. Seek only the emotional, and perhaps limited thought processes.

Honestly, at the moment I want to say: that really disgusts me. Why limit the human potential to something so animalistic? Where is the expanse of the mind revealed through conversation like that? Can they not reach that point?

And if they could but choose not to, why not?

Is this because they don't think or they don't want to think? Or only because they don't want to think at that moment?

Sides

"Just like an addict"

those words repeated in my brain.

Couldn't stop playing FE.

It was like that time with Gundam Seed Destiny

So last night, when I lost, I just junked it.

Now I want to play it.

Breathe in.

No, it took too much time.

On another matter entirely,

Is it just me...?

Explosive much.? Or no?

I guess maybe I'm sensitive,

but I can't take indignation lightly,

unless justified?

Don't care, not my fault.

Daaaamit. I really want to play it.

Exercise or something. Remember

a constructive day.

Been so lazy and behind lately.

I need a word to express my frustration

but it seems like there are none?

Fuck? - But I don't want or need mindless sexual intercourse.

Shit? - What? No, I do not need to shit?

Damn it - Damn what? My frustration? It's not like it's another person.

Shit my life.

See? That just came out. Oh fuck..

That too o_O

Damn it!

..It seems like those three things just come out like vomit,

in that order too?

Or it seems like I just repeat it

"Oh f my life! fuck! Ah shit! Damn it!"

Seriously?

I'm grinning, it's sort of funny really.

On the more serious note. I already trashed it.

Now think how to be constructive.